5 Steps to Negotiate When Emotions Are Running High
How do you negotiate when emotions are running high?
My clients sometimes worry that asserting themselves will make their manager angry, and that this will lead to retaliation or backlash.
Even if heated words have already been exchanged, it’s possible for you to neutralize tension and get to agreement.
Here are five simple steps I walk my clients through:
1️⃣ ACKNOWLEDGE how the other side feels using their words.
Did the manager say she feels frustrated? Like her hands are tied?
Be human. Let her know she’s been heard, that her feelings are valid.
“I get you’re feeling frustrated, like your hands are tied.”
This is NOT conceding your point or agreeing with her point of view.
This is leadership in action. Listening. Acknowledging the human element.
2️⃣ Get ALIGNED on the most important issue for them.
Whether it’s a performance goal or financial targets, the most important issue reveals what the manager most values.
When you address what they most value, cooler heads will prevail. You will have their attention.
3️⃣ Connect your FUTURE POTENTIAL to the value they gain from saying yes.
You have the experience, skill, and the capacity to add more value. In the way they think is important.
You can say, “I’m confident that my certification in data science will help grow our team’s future pipeline. Would you agree that it adds value?”
4️⃣ INVITE them to brainstorm solutions with you.
Talk to them like they're joining you on a whiteboard session, side by side. Not a face-off confrontation.
Ask them, genuinely curious, “How can we work together to make this work for both sides?”
5️⃣ Make it a NO-BRAINER for them to say yes.
Make the value they gain so compelling, it’s a no brainer for them.
And think of the immediate next steps and take care of details for them.
For example, draft the language for a revised contract, so all they have to do is to review and sign off.
"Here I drafted language for you to review. Would you like to review it now?"
Then rinse and repeat the five steps as often as you need to in the negotiation process.
Do these steps, and you will get through to people, even the difficult ones.
You will manage your own emotions, and not let theirs derail you.
You will be proud of you for handling the conversation.
You got this,
Jamie
P.S. I work with smart, ambitious women who love what they do but hate office politics. I help them apply the BEST of win-win negotiation frameworks so that they maximize their leadership potential while feeling emotionally in control. I help them build a mindset of confidence backed by an actionable strategy of advocating for their value in an authentic and compelling way. If that's what you want, let's chat. I invite you to a complimentary consultation. Click here to submit an application.
